Hello My Friends,
How are you doing on your yoga? Good I hope. I hope you are enjoying it as much as I am. Sometimes I am hesitant to start, but I always feel better in the end. I'm averaging 5 days a week. How about you? I'm sorry I have not kept up on the every day, but these last two weeks have been challenging. I have learned valuable lessons these last two weeks though. I have been questioned. I have been taken outside my comfort zone and I have had to learn what I stand for, how to be completely comfortable with my physical self and who I am, and when to say enough. These are not easy lessons and not ones I would have chosen to have learned all at one time, but I did. The first thing that was questioned was the things I say to you. I don’t know if anyone is listening, but I would write if someone was listening or not. I am not writing this blog to make money, I am writing because when I was first diagnosed Esophageal Dysmotility and then with Crohn’s Disease I had so many unanswered questions and I felt completely alone. I didn’t know if there was anyone who was going through what I was going through. I didn’t know who to ask or where to find the answers. I was looking for hope, so I started blogging. And little by little I found people experiencing the same or similar things. I was able to answer other people’s questions and provide that hope that I was looking for, for someone else. That is why I write. I write because there is someone out there who needs to know that they are okay, even if things are feeling upside down, and that they are not alone. I love the questions I get. Keep them coming. I have a bowel disease…nothing is too embarrassing to talk about, so ask away! I also learned last week that the three immune-suppressants that I am on have wreaked havoc on my body. They have done their job and I am most definitely immuno-compromised. Do I mind? No not really. It goes with the territory, but I what I do mind is the skin infections that I am now prone to. Nice huh? Apparently, my good bacteria have been wiped out and I am susceptible to yeast rashes. I found this out when the weather turned warm and I had to go to the doctor for a lovely rash under my boob. Great place to have it right? I guess any place you have warm (sweaty possibly) skin to skin contact, you can get a rash. It’s no big deal. It just means I will be spending the summer embracing my “inner hippy” as my Doc put it. No underwire, lose tops, and flowing skirts all summer long. Apparently my body needs to breathe. I have to admit at first I was mortified. I was terrified to go to my son’s Preschool Graduation with a tank top bra as my only support, but once I got over it, it wasn’t that bad. People even commented on the shirt I was wearing. I secretly was thinking “please don’t look too close” and thanking God, probably the only time in my life, for giving me smaller boobs. Now that I’ve embraced this new freedom for a week or two, I still freak out a bit when I see people I know and am self-conscious, but I have to tell you I have never been more physically comfortable in my life. I have really had to accept my physical self, and that is really hard to do. Every day I ask my husband if I look okay. I even asked him what he thought about my new “hippy self” and he said he kind of likes it. He says I am freer and not so “prim and proper.” I had to laugh because I’ve been prim and proper my whole life. I kind of like my “hippy self” too. I feel free, like I can breathe and enjoy life. Life is joyous outside my prim and proper box. It is to be lived and it is awesome. The last thing that I learned last week was probably the most important. I learned how to say enough. I am not one to question the doctors when they suggest medication, especially if they think it is going to work. I always ask for the one with the least amount of side effects and trust their judgement. Well, the side effects of the Prednisone were not fully disclosed. I had no idea that not only does it affect your sleep, your weight, and your ability to concentrate, but it also affects your hormones and your emotions. I’ve done multiple courses of this drug and this last time it turned my hormones and my thoughts upside down. When started having anxiety and panic attacks every day and feelings of hopelessness, I knew we had a problem. I kept thinking “this isn’t me.” “I am going crazy.” “Something is wrong.” I got a hold of my doctor and my therapist (yes I have one and she’s great) immediately and asked “what is the side effects for Remicade and Prednisone? Something is not right.” Well come to find out, it was the Prednisone. So after a great phone conversation with my doctor we decided that even if the Prednisone was working for my arthritis, it is not the right drug for me and we need to start tapering off of it immediately. I can feel the difference already. No more anxiety attacks, no more feelings of hopelessness. The great part is I have almost completed all of the loading doses for the Remicade so it should be kicking in now and I should not need the Prednisone. What would have happened if I continued on the Prednisone? I don’t know, but I know that what was happening wasn’t okay and I needed to be the one to say “no more, enough with this medicine.” I learned that I am the only one who really knows my body. I know what feels right and what doesn’t and it is my job to speak up and be my own advocate. No one else can speak for me. No one else can speak for you. If they don’t listen the first time, keep talking. Speak up. Your life depends on it. Well, my little one just woke up from a nap and is asking to go outside. It is beautiful today and I think that that is a fantastic idea. I hear the garden and the sunshine calling. We have planting to do. Until next time my friends, Namaste. Much Love, Danielle
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First let me open by saying Happy Mother's Day to you moms out there. I hope you had the most wonderful day. Mine started out with my son bursting through the bedroom door singing "it's Mother's Day" at the top of his lungs. Both my guys we were so excited to celebrate that they were dressed and had the car started before I even had a chance to dry my hair after my shower. I was out the door barely dressed with slightly damp hair and a swipe or two of mascara, but I am not complaining one single bit. I had years of yearning to be a mom and many struggles before my son came into our lives, so I will not be ungrateful for the time I get to spend with either of my guys.
The last three days seemed to be like this...busy! The days seemed to be packed full of things to do. Yesterday was Methotrexate day too. I really don't like this medicine and how I am always feeling under the weather on Saturdays. But, even if my phone was ringing off the hook Friday, I was feeling sick Saturday, and every minute of today was spent with my guys, I still managed to take time each day for yoga. It's beginning to be a routine. Today I have yet to do my yoga session and I have been thinking about it all day long. I keep thinking "I have to get it in." Not in a stressing manner, but more like I know how important it is to my health and how good it makes me feel. On day 4 and 5 I continued with Hatha Yoga Happiness with Fightmaster Yoga. Even though I felt awful yesterday I really liked the session. It felt so good to breathe and stretch. The plank poses were awesome and I was surprised that I could do each variation. The heater kicked on half way through so instead of sweltering in a hot yoga session I opened the window slightly. It was so peaceful listening to the rain, breathing, and looking at the beautiful view of the forest. I think the peacefulness was why I enjoyed yesterday so much. Plus the theme was "enjoy the now," which I found to be perfect. It is late here tonight so instead of doing yoga for happiness, I am going to look for a night time yoga sequence. Something that will calm the mind and the body and help me get a good night sleep. My sleep tracker says I am getting about 6 hours. I find that I need more sleep than normal while in a Crohn's flare, so this could be attributing to my fatigue during the day. I know I won't get 8 hours of sleep tonight, but I am hoping for a restful night's sleep. I will check in again tomorrow and let you know how the evening yoga goes. I hope you have a great week. Talk to you soon! So I found this poster on Etsy today and thought "oh my gosh this is totally me!" As we speak I'm sitting down to write about my latest yoga experience and am drinking a hot cup of tea. I love both. They are two of my favorite things!
How are you doing on your yoga adventure? Did you find any favorite poses? I did a back bend today. No joke. I was watching the video and the gal start explaining the next pose and I thought "what is she doing? Why is her head on the ground?" Then she lifted her body and I was like "oh, it's a back bend. I get it. I haven't done that since elementary school, but whatever. No biggie. I'll give it a shot." And I did. My son thought it was pretty cool too. It only lasted for a few seconds because my arms were shaking and I thought I was going to fall on my head, but I did it. It definitely stretched lots of new muscles. I don't know how it looked, but I was pretty proud. This Mom's still got it! Today's video was a continuation of the previous series: Day 3: Hatha Yoga For Happiness: Getting Rid of Clutter with Fightmaster Yoga Let's talk about the Before, During, and After! Before: I was tired this morning, let me tell you. I think I slept last night, but I woke up still feeling tired. My body felt good though. I could tell that I worked out my back muscles yesterday, but that made me excited because it meant I was strengthening those muscles. It didn't hurt, but I could feel it. I knew that today was another busy day away from the house so I needed to get started early. I was not ready to exercise first thing. I would have been happy just laying in corpse pose for 30 minutes, but that would defeat the purpose of this whole 30 day activity. During: We worked on some very interesting standing poses and breathing techniques at the beginning of the video. By the third rep I was ready to switch to something new, but I continued on. By 23 minutes in I was super tired and thought about taking a break, but thankfully we switched to sitting poses which was great. We began working on abs and I quickly realized that I have no ab strength. I wasn't really surprised since I have quite the hug-able middle at the moment and enjoyed working on my most troublesome area. The instructor talked about "Clearing Away the Clutter" today. It's a great thought and definitely needs to be done around here, but it is not something that I can tackle in one day. Food for thought. After: I was glad I made it through the whole video today. I was not really wanting to jump into exercising this morning and because I was tired the video itself was a little harder. But, I did a back bend and I didn't stop. I was stretched, strengthened, and standing up taller at the end of the video and felt that way the rest of the day. Knowing that I am taking steps to take care of myself makes me feel good all day long. I was feeling empowered and the positive energy carried on throughout the day. I even finished a project I was working on. Accomplishment, how great does that make you feel? I even ran into someone I hadn't seen in a while while I was out. I was self conscious at first because my body has changed so much since I started taking the Biologics in September, but then I caught myself. I smiled and engaged politely. This person doesn't know my story. They don't know my struggle and if they judge me, well that is just too bad. I know that I am working on being my healthiest, strongest, and best self. It started off with morning Yoga. It's raining here today and is supposed to rain for the next 5 days. It makes me wonder how my joints will do and how my attitude will fair. I like the rain, but I find I am much happier when the sun is out. Sometimes the rain makes me sad, so we will see. I hope it is sunshiny where you are at today and your heart is filled with cheer. Good luck on your yoga session. Let me know how it goes! Talk to you tomorrow! Welcome to Day 2 of 30! Today felt a little crazier than yesterday. There was a lot of stop and go and people needing Mommy's attention, but I guess that is what happens some times...or all the time. Mom life!
Today's video was Day 2 of Hatha Yoga For Happiness: Gratitude with Fightmaster Yoga. The focus of today was generating energy. Before: Before the video I was discouraged a bit by the number I saw on the scale this morning. I'm focusing really hard this week on not cheating on my sugar intake or dangerous foods and I'm exercising every day, so I guess I was hoping for better results. But lets be real, it's only day 2. This will take time, and as long as I'm on Prednisone, that scale may not move or it may move in the direction I don't want it to go. If I didn't have a wedding that I was participating in next month I wouldn't be so worried...I don't think. I guess this is where it gets hard and you have to give yourself some grace. What is my focus? My focus is not the scale. My focus is doing 30 days of yoga and eating well to heal my body. Hopefully my body image will also improve during this time. So what am I going to do about it? I am going to keep going and take it one day at a time. I am 2 for 2. That's awesome! During: I mentioned before that there was a lot of stop and go during today's session. The dog opened the front door and walked on my yoga mat with muddy paws, so that was fun. I had to stop to clean up that slippery mess. Plus my little guy was very curious about what Mommy was doing today and ended up with his own yoga mat and stretches beside me. That part was fun. Some of the poses today were new to me. They required balance and focus because you had to use opposite parts of your body. I could tell this was new to my body and was shaking like a leaf. You know the song "weebles wooble but they don't fall down?" Yeah that was me. It felt great to use new muscles though. I really had to focus on breathing and balancing so I didn't hurt myself or fall down. I think the best part was when we were "clearing our minds" during corpse pose, my son thought it was a great time to zoober on my biceps. My mind wasn't cleared, but I sure was laughing. Happiness 101....laugh! After: Oh I'm tired. I feel a little shaky due to the use of new muscles, but that makes me excited too. I like the thought of strengthening different muscles every day. I would like to do a session by myself, in a quiet room, but I don't know if that is going to happen unless I wake up earlier than the boys and they wake up early enough. I do love doing yoga first thing in the morning though because I feel like I still have time to start the day and I don't feel rushed. My dog is telling me he has to go outside, so off we go. The day has begun! I hope you have a great day today. Let me know how your session goes. What did you like about it? What didn't you like about it? How do you feel afterwards? Do you feel like you can take on the world? I do! See you tomorrow! Gosh it was a beautiful morning this morning. The air was crisp and clean and the sun was shining. It is wasn't even 9:00am before my child was itching to be outside. It seemed like everyone in the house was up and moving early: my husband, my son, the kittens, the dog....even the chickens. So by 9:01am we were all outside still in our pajamas. I didn't mind though. I have no problem soaking up the sun. It makes every part of me happy.
I find that having a chronic illness messes with me a bit. It messes with my body, it messes with my mind, and it messes with everyday activities. I find it quite frustrating really, so for the next 30 days I am going to focus on strengthening and healing both my mind and my body through yoga. I'd love for you to do this with me. I will write about each day's experience: how I felt before, during, and after, and together we can chart our progress. "Why yoga" you may ask? Because yoga has been proven to help with depression, anxiety, mindfulness, and stress relief. It helps you gain muscle strength, endurance, flexibility, balance, and blood flow. Research it. The list goes on and on. So today we begin day 1. I'm choosing a Hatha yoga routine. According to The Yoga Journal, Hatha yoga practices are "designed to align and calm you body, mind, and spirit." It does this through the holding of physical postures and breathing. It is a slower paced yoga, but it is not to be taken lightly. It is hard to hold proper posture for extended periods of time. Power yoga, for example, is a Hatha yoga practice and we all know that is tough. Not convinced yet? Well can you hold steady in the proper plank position for longer than 30 seconds while remembering to breathe and calm your mind? If you can't today you will be able to in 30 days. This morning I did a routine called "Hatha Yoga For Happiness: Gratitude with Flightmaster Yoga." It is a 35 minute program. Flightmaster Yoga has their own Yoga channel with many different options. This specific segment is their 30 days of happiness program. Sounds like a great option to me. Who doesn't need a little happiness in their life? Plus it's free and the gal is great. So let's talk about how it went: The Before, During, and Afterwards The Before: So not awake and ready for this. I woke up feeling super tight and my muscles were sore, and if I'm completely honest I wasn't ready to wake up with the sun like the rest of my family so I was a little Oscarish...you know like the grouch. At the same time I knew that today was day 1 so I was excited to get started. I also was having anxiety about an upcoming meeting and my mile long to do list. Not the best way to start the day. The During: No one needs a moose breathing in your ear as you are trying maintain focus or kittens between your legs. So, once I put the kittens and the dog outside and set my little guy up with some Blaze cartoons I was good to go. First impression: kind of hard. I was shocked by how hard it was to hold some of the poses and I found out I'm not as flexible in my upper body as I thought. I was sweating by 18 minutes in and had to take off my sweatshirt. But how did it feel? Great! Seriously great! The After: My body felt so good! I felt much looser and had much better posture than when I started. I felt like I had a happy heart and a happy mind. I had less anxiety and felt ready to start the day. I felt good about myself and was proud that I worked out this morning and consciously made better food choices through out the day. I'm excited about tomorrow! Okay. Now it's your turn! Let me know how it goes! I'm excited for you to start! |
AuthorHi there! Welcome to Grace In A Glass. My name is Danielle and I am so happy that you are visiting this site today. We all have something in life that we are working to overcome. I began blogging about my struggle with overcoming Esophageal Dysmotility and Crohn's Disease with the hope of reaching others with words of encouragement and hope. Thank you for letting me share my stories with you, and hope you have the most wonderful day! Archives
November 2022
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